Knitting for your butt

So I'm still editing my sock masterpost, but I thought I'd drop by and let you know that I've cast on the third knitted bikini of my career. It's gonna be a doozy!

If you're a relatively young knitter like me and especially if you've been knitting for a long time you've probably stumbled on a knitted bikini pattern and been taken in. Every Summer Vogue Knitting that I can think of has had at least one, and they all end up the same way. Worthless.

Swimwear is a separate category of fashion, just like outerwear, because it takes special skill in the elastic properties of fabric to make a good one. I once had the privilege of reading the blog on patternschool.com, a now defunct website* dedicated to the discussion and practice of designing, drafting and improving swimwear construction. It was absolutely fascinating, and it was obviously information that no person ever dreaming up a knitkini has had access to. Essentially, none of these patterns have enough negative ease and lazily offer side ties to call it a 'one size' garment. This means that even before a knitted suit gets wet it's bunching thick knitted fabric in your crotch. Shenanigans I call!

I was just about to design one myself when I stopped by Ravelry to see if anyone had done the work for me since my last effort in the '00s. Sure enough.  It was three pages back in the search results for 'knitted bikini' with no comments and 15 projects, most of which don't have pictures. Oh, but those that do. Here before me was a gorgeously fitted, side seam having, beautifully simple and incredibly sexy suit with no traffic jam in the crotch and the perfect amount of butt-showing that I seek now that I'm in possession of the kind of body I want to show off. Check it out.

http://www.ravelry.com/projects/jessicadowntown/cheeky-knit-bikini

I'm two inches into the front and I can already tell by stretching the piece over my hips that it's going to fit absolutely perfectly. The yarn I'm using is a discontinued Bernat called Baby Stretch. I have no idea why babies would desire elasticated yarn, but I don't care because I got it for $1.97 a ball and it's going to be absolutely perfect for this. It's 46% acrylic, 46% cotton, 3% nylon and 3% polyester, bound with an elastic ply which I assume accounts for the missing 2%. The color is a beautiful lavender, saturated enough to look like a design choice instead of clearance baby yarn. I mean, I am a unicorn after all.

*available on the wayback machine if you care to indulge.